How to Handle Conflict or Challenge and Take Your Communication to the Next Level

There are times in life when we have to deal directly with someone who is upset, difficult, argumentative, or combative.

The question is, how do we do that? …especially without exacerbating the situation? In most cases, emotional people are screaming to be heard. They want to be listened to, valued, respected, and loved. They want to feel important but aren’t able to express themselves constructively.

 
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With the right attitude, it’s possible to get past these insecurities and reach an understanding. If someone confronts you in a situation that has a lot of emotion behind it, address the emotion first before addressing the issue. Approach it like you would a calm, stress-free conversation.

The following strategy will help you come to a better understanding and support a resolution of the conflict, quickly and peacefully, for the benefit of everyone involved.

 

To be calm, level-headed, and cool during conflict

  • The object: is to listen to what the upset is, thoroughly, and all the way through.

  • Do Not: attempt to solve the upset, to calculate some sort of cleaver comeback, or answer their question while they are still talking. Let them finish.

  • Listen Carefully: to the real cause of the challenge – the emotional cause of the upset. There could be confusion, mistrust, misunderstanding; a differing experience. The most common emotions are: Frustration. Confusion. Fear. Distrust. Sadness. Anger.

  

Probe for and Identify the Emotion

After listening to the person’s issue, you can then do a little probing to help identify their emotion with the situation. You could start by asking a question, such as…

     “So, you are    (name emotion)    with    (name situation/issue)   .”

Example:“So, you are frustrated with me because I’m not taking out the kitchen compost bin often enough?”

{NOTE: When dealing with a significant other, do not address the situation until after you’ve addressed the emotion. Remember, they want to be heard, valued, respected, and loved.}

 

Respond with Compassion or Inquiry

Once you are able to identify the reason for the upset, respond with compassion or inquiry, such as…

“I am sorry you feel that way.” –or- “Help me understand what you are experiencing; What is it about (_name of situation_) that makes you feel (_name of emotion_)?

Remember to keep sincerity in your tone of voice.

 

You can even ask them, conversationally, for a few more reasons about why they are upset if the situation is a bit more complex. Often, this leads to a deeper understanding, and to a deeper emotional button being triggered, behind the original upset. …

  • “What are your personal experiences around the upset/situation?”

  • “What makes this so important to you?”

  • “What would make you feel better about the situation so you don’t have to be upset anymore?”

After asking them questions, and really listening to their answers, repeat to them why you perceive them to be upset and get verification as to whether you are correct.

Above all: Do not make them wrong.

 

Then, before you offer solutions, ask your partner what their thoughts are in regards to shifting a situation or solving a problem. You could ask: “So, what would it take to reduce the level of  (emotion)  in  (name of situation)?

Trust your partner to have good insights and some ideas on what to do. If your partner asks you for your perspective or for solutions, you can offer to solve the problem together.

Chances are the other person may have already come up with a solution to their upset through your questioning and listening. Chances are you both may share a common ‘value’ around the upset and can therefore reach a mutual agreement.

The quality of your relationship will change when you learn to identify and resolve emotional buttons getting pushed, and not get ‘hooked-in’ emotionally. It does take practice, but once you have this down, handling conflicts will be easier and your relationships will improve.

I look forward to connecting with you again soon.

~Dhebi


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If you’d like to schedule an appointment with me for any of the above sessions, please email me at: Dhebi@theHeartAndSoulAcademy.com

 
Welcome! I’m Dhebi DeWitz - In these blogs, I share with you my passion of  helping individuals activate their deep healing abilities ,  exploring consciousness & spiritual wellness, self-empowerment, health & longevity, and healing practices.

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